Cow Poo

A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

Kiasu

Dear Mummy,

I am feeling very sad. Today in school, Zhong Guoren - my classmate from China - beat me again, in a maths test. That boy is an unstoppable genius machine. Last week, he beat me in sports too. If he were not here, I would have come in first and gotten a gold.But because the Government says we must welcome foreign talents to increase our population and to improve our economy, I got a bronze instead. This sucks.

Your house as seen through different eyes

your eyes

buyer's eyes

estate agent's eyes

bank manager's eyes

council rate assessor's eyes

Don't copy if you can't paste!

A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his audience, said:

"The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!" The audience was in silence and shock. The speaker  added: "And that woman was my mother!"

Laughter and applause.

A week later, a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried to crack this very effective joke at home. He was a bit foggy after a drink. He said loudly to his wife who was preparing dinner, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife! "The wife went; "ah!" with shock and rage.

Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out

 "...and I can't remember who she was!"

By the time the manager regained consciousness, he was on a hospital bed nursing burns from boiling water.

Moral of the story: Don't copy if you can't paste!

(contributed by Timothy)