Even if you have nothing, you can get any thing

Father: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son: 'I will choose my own bride!'
Father: 'But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter.'
Son: 'Well, in that case...ok'

Next Day Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father: 'I have a husband for your daughter.'
Bill Gates: 'But my daughter is too young to marry!'
Father: 'But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank.'
Bill Gates: 'Ah, in that case...ok'

Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father: 'I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president. '
President: 'But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!'
Father: 'But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law.'
President: 'Ah, in that case...ok'

This is how business is done!!

(contributed by Uki)

Divorce letter

Dear Wife,
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had gotten a new hair cut, cooked your favourite meal, and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers later that night. You came home, nibbled at your food for two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't want sex anymore or anything.

Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me. Whichever is the case,,,,I'm gone.

Signed,
Your EX-Husband.

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your sister and I are moving away to West Virginia together. Have a great life!
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
Dear Ex-Husband,
Nothing has made my day more enjoyable than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a 'good man' is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. It's just too bad it doesn't work. Yes, I did notice when you got a hair cut last week,,,and actually the first thing that came to my mind as "You look just like a girl",,, but my mother raised me not to say anything at all if you can't say anything nice. And when you cooked my favourite meal, you must have gotten me confused with my SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.

I turned away from you when you had those new silk boxers on because the price tag was still on them. I prayed that it was just a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your silk boxers were $49.99...
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for twenty million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Hawaii. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you've always wanted. My lawyer said with the letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed:
Rich As Hell and Freeeeeeeeeeee!!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but my sister 'Carla',,,was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem for you !!!

Mexican fisherman

There was once an American businessman who was sitting by the beach in a small Mexican village. As he sat there, he saw a Mexican fisherman rowing a small boat towards the shore and noticed that the fisherman has caught quite a number of big fish that is known to be a delicacy.

The American was really impressed and ask the fisherman, "How long does it take you to catch so many fish?"
The fisherman reply 'Oh, just a short while'
"Then why don't you stay longer at sea. Perhaps you could catch even more?"
‘This is enough to feed my whole family'
"So, what do you do for the rest of the day then?"
'Well, I usually wake up early in the morning, go out to sea and catch a few fishes, then I would go back and play with my kids. In the afternoon, I will take a nap with my wife, and evening comes, I will join my buddies in the village for a drink, we played guitar, sing and dance throughout the night. My day was ever so complete and carefree.’

The businessman does not agree with his way of life and offered a suggestion to the fisherman.
"I am a Ph..D holder, graduated from Harvard University, specializes in business management. I could help you to become a more successful person. From now on, you have to spend more time at sea and try to catch as many fish as possible. And when you have saved enough money, you could buy a bigger boat and catch even more fish. As you go on, you will be able to afford to buy more boats, recruit more fishermen and lead a team of your own.Soon
you will be able to set-up your own company, your very own production plant for canned food and do direct selling to your distributors. At that time, you will have moved out of this village and to Mexico city, and then expand your operations to LA, and finally to New York city, where you can set-up your HQ to manage all your other branches."
The fisherman asked 'So, how long would that take?'
"About 15 to 20 years "
'And after that?'

The businessman laugh heartily "After that, you can live like a king in your own house, and when the time is right, you can go public and float your shares in the Stock Exchange, by then you will be rich, your income will be coming in by the millions!!"
'And after that?'
"After that, you can finally retire, you can move to a house by the fishing village, wake up early in the morning and catch a few fish, then return home to play with the kids, have a nice afternoon nap with your wife, and when evening comes, you can join your buddies for a drink, play the guitar, sing and dance throughout the night!!"
'But tell me sir; isn't that what I am doing now?!'

(contributed by Ricky Ribuh)

Warren Buffet

There was a one-hour interview on CNBC with Warren Buffet, the second richest man who has donated $31 billion to charity. Here are some very interesting aspects of his life:

1) He bought his first stock share at age 11 and he now regrets that he started too late!

2) He bought a small farm at age 14 with savings from delivering newspapers.

3) He still lives in the same small 3-bedroom house in mid-town Omaha, that he bought after he got married 50 years ago. He says that he has everything he needs in that house. His house does not have a wall or a fence.

4) He drives his own car everywhere and does not have a driver or security people around him.

5) He never travels by private jet, although he owns the world's largest private jet company.

6) His company, Berkshire Hathaway, owns 63 companies. He writes only one letter each year to the CEOs of these companies, giving them goals for the year. He never holds meetings or calls them on a regular basis.

7) He has given his CEOs only two rules.
Rule number 1: do not lose any of your shareholder's money.
Rule number 2: Do not forget rule number 1.

8) He does not socialize with the high society crowd. His past time, after he gets home, is to make himself some pop corn and watch television.

9) Bill Gates, the world's richest man met him for the first time only 5 years ago. Bill Gates did not think he had anything in common with Warren Buffet. So he had scheduled his meeting only for half an hour. But when Gates met him, the meeting lasted for ten hours and Bill Gates became a devotee of Warren Buffet.

10) Warren Buffet does not carry a cell phone, nor has a computer on his desk.

11) His advice to young people:Stay away from credit cards and invest in yourself. Remember money doesn't create man but it is the man who creates money. Live your life as simple as you are.
Don't do what others say, just listen to them , but do what you feel good.

Don't go on brand names, just wear those things in which you feel comfortable in.

Don't waste your money on unnecessary things; just spend on what you really need.

Maslow hierarchy of needs

Abraham Maslow was a very clever man. I never imagined that one day I would be so happy to go to work. Two years ago I became an English tutor for ESOL (English for speakers of other languages). My students are refugees and new migrants in New Zealand. Now, I happily move old furnitures (and today in the rain too!) and doing all this without pay. Can you beat that? :o)

garage sales

My addiction is garage sales. This New Zealand culture is about getting some idiots to pay you money for the priveledge of taking away all your unwanted rubbish! This morning, this idiot went to the Lions' annual garage sales in Cambridge and bought this radio cassete player for $1. It was working perfectly! However, I must admit that I now have five cassete players. I just couldn't resist a good bargain! I love garage sales!

sleeping tiger

When I first came to this course at the Migrant Centre, I was dejected and feeling very low because I thought that my life was over. I had no skills and my usefulness as a person has passed its prime. Two years of permanent holidays was nice at first; but I was looking at 20 years of nothing! I could not handle it. I really felt that I was past my used by date! I hanged my head often, not making eye contact with people when they were talking to me. Now it is very different. I have plan A and plan B, even a plan C for my future! Thank you Sandy and thank you Lucia!

This afternoon there was an incidence with a pakeha guy at the park during lunch break when I was playing golf. He was not very polite when he asked me to replace divots. I informed him that if he was not happy he could sue me! He came near and shoved the grass within half a cm of my nose and said: you people are all the same, #*'!.... I became unhappy too because he generalized about migrants and used the f word. I told him that my whanau and iwi were in Taranaki where I was born. I asked him whether he was born in NZ! Was he trying to stop us Maori playing golf, steal our land, the foreshore and seabed or what?! He was dumb founded. I pointed out that he was not very clever because as far as I could see I was the only one holding a weapon! With that I moved into his personal space* deliberately and shoved my 9 iron near his face! Suddenly, he lost interest in me and left the park. I wonder why. Obviously he has picked the wrong victim at the wrong time. I was more than assertive. I was a sleeping tiger!

* Thank you Sandy for teaching me about personal space last week!

job seekers

If you are an immigrant looking for a job in NZ we can certainly help you. Come and talk to Lucia or Sandy at the Migrant Centre. We are currently running a course on CV preparation, job search and other relevant skills.

I have tried the Dinsdale Work & Income office near my house. They are no good. It seems to me that the receptionist there was more interested to give me the run around than help me. She sent me to the other offices at 5-cross roads, Hamilton East and also to see John Lee at the Migrant Centre. All of them refused or were unable to help me. What I needed from them was simply a client number to give to Sandy so that she could get paid. The case managers appear to be keen on one thing only: to find new ways to tell us, migrants politely, why they cannot help us find jobs in NZ!
I now understand why migrant doctors are driving taxis in Wellington! Winston Peters is right. This country doesn't need any more migrants and refugees. What we need to do is find genuine ways to help qualified immigrants, who are already here, find the right jobs in NZ. There is a vast pool of experience and knowledge waiting to be tapped out there.

Shaolin temple

In ancient China there was a young boy named Su. He heard from his friends that the monks in the Shaolin temple knew and practiced the true techniques of Chinese kung fu. So he left home and went on his way to find the temple. After much hardships and sufferings along the way, he finally arrived at the foothills leading up to the famous Shaolin temple.[1]As he struggled up the hill slowly, he was surprised to see someone overtook him on the way up. This young man was carrying two large buckets full of water and he was running very fast up the hill. His buckets were old and they have many cracks at the bottom and were leaking!

My friend Simon

In Hamilton I have a friend from my home town Miri, in Malaysia.  Simon was my one and only friend in 1996 and sadly, I could not continue to see him.

Why New Zealand?

In 1995 I took my family to New Zealand. The reasons for our migration to NZ is given in my eBook 3, chapter 5.